Brenda Joyce (Tatum) Bender of Tulsa was born to Lois LaVaun "Bonnie" and Billy Gene Tatum on June 14, 1951 in El Dorado, Kansas.  She earned her angel wings on November 13, 2019 in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Brenda was a precocious middle child who learned to cook and care for others early in life.  She attended Wichita public schools and graduated from East High in 1969.  Michael "Mike" Melvin Bender was set up with Brenda on a blind date in early 1970.  By November 28, 1970, they were joined in marriage at First United Methodist Church in Wichita and a legacy of love and devotion began.

Their first daughter, Margaret Michelle, was born while they lived in Kansas City, MO.  Shortly after, they moved back to Wichita for a short time where Brenda excelled at her job for E. G. Stephens selling cigars and tobacco products.

The couple eventually moved to Tulsa, OK opening a business that sold industrial painting equipment in 1975.  Soon after, the family became complete with the birth of Monica Marlene.   Brenda was adept at juggling business and family.  She taught the daughters how to cook, sew, garden, and be strong and independent women.  In addition to her career, and being a wife and mother, she was a skilled referee and could put the fear of God into the girls with one look.  Her brown eyes would darken and both girls will attest that you could see smoke rolling from her ears.  Brenda could have inspired the movie "The Bird Box" as she would have the girls get in the floor of the car and guess which direction they were driving.  The girls would grow to call this the "Kidnap Game".

The family moved to Broken Arrow where the girls began school.  Mike and Brenda shared a love of competitive fishing and Mike encouraged her to join the Oklahoma Lady Anglers.  Mike was thrilled that Brenda shared his passion for fishing until the first time he watched the boat leave him standing in the driveway with the girls.

The love of the lake led the family to move to Lake Fort Gibson outside of Wagoner, OK.  It was during this time that Brenda learned to endure having all matter of flora and fauna in and around the home.  Her efforts to keep what Mike calls her "pretties" alive and well forced her to learn what flowers deer would not eat.  Brenda was patient with all of the girls' rescue missions for water turtles, lizards, birds, and the occasional opossum.  She shuttled the girls to a host of extracurricular activities and served as team Mom, band parent extraordinaire, and education advocate.  She was a fierce supporter of her girls and was their biggest cheerleader.  She often told the girls that an education is "something no one can take from you".  She also tried to share her mother's advice that foul language was a sign of the uneducated.  This fact is highly disputed by the girls.

Brenda joined the Okla-Homa Chapter of the American Business Women's Association and made many connections with other women business owners.  She served in many leadership roles within the organization.  Brenda enjoyed raising money to fund scholarships to help women further their education.

Mike and Brenda enjoyed another hobby together—Model T Ford cars.  They joined several car clubs and collected vintage cars together.  Through this hobby, they met some of their dearest and closest friends.  Brenda earned awards for the newsletter she edited for the local Model T Ford Club of America chapter.  The two traveled all over the United States and Canada, sharing great adventures at "half the speed but twice the fun" with their dearest friends.

Brenda retired from the family business in 2018 and enjoyed time with Mike "step and fetching" things for him and researching genealogy.  She was a proud and incredible Grandmother to Veda and Morgan (who lovingly bestowed the name of "Guh" upon her).  She was a spoiler of the granddaughters (even when their mothers protested) and loved them with her whole heart.  She loved her whippets and was a great dog mom to Comet and Loula (and the precious canines who she loved before them).

Her greatest attribute was her love for her family, but her greatest virtue was patience—and Lord knows her family tried that at every turn.  Mike reports that Brenda was a saint while Margaret and Monica wonder how she didn't kill them several times over.  Brenda wasn't a woman to mince words and one always knew where they stood with her.  She was practical and thrifty and would go without things for herself so that her family's wants and needs were fulfilled.  If she got quiet during an argument or debate, her family knew to step back and let it be (and be scared—it took a lot to push her to that point).  The girls once threatened to call the "Child Abuse Hotline" for her atrocities of being a phenomenal parent and she told them to give her a minute so she could make it worth their trouble.   The bluff was called and the girls learned a valuable lesson—don't mess with Mom, she always wins.

She is survived by her devoted husband Mike (of the home), daughters Margaret King (husband Michael) of Broken Arrow and Monica Bender (wife Theresa) of Fort Lauderdale, FL, granddaughters – Veda Jewel Pierce, Alexis Fortson, and Morgan Michelle King, her sister Janis Tatum Bates and family, brother Frank Tatum and family, step sister Jackie Carlson Diffenbaugh and family, and step brother Tony Carlson and family, nieces and nephews and several "adopted" daughters.  She was preceded in death by her parents and step-father Norman R. Carlson, step brother Johnny Carlson, and many aunts and uncles.

A celebration of Brenda's life will be held at the home of Margaret King in Broken Arrow, OK on November 16 at 4 p.m.  In lieu of flowers, the family suggests a donation to the charity of your choice.